This week’s lesson has been so good! I can’t seem to get enough of it. I have known some things for a while, but now it is all coming together and I feel like I’m finally starting to understand it.
Over ten years ago I was going through a bit of an internal transformation, brought on by a very difficult time in my life. (Isn’t that where all the learning and growing seems to start?) I was knee deep in Oprah’s XM radio channel, Eckhart Tolle and The Secret/Law of Attraction, trying to pull myself out of the darkness.
Then comes 2011, the year that dreams came true. Lots of dreams. It was seriously insane. A lifelong dream of going to Australia, the opportunity for my husband to spend two weeks with his leatherworking mentor, and my finally getting a job I had been wanting for several years were among them. But the big, life altering one was actually two dreams rolled into one. The first was living in the Black Hills of South Dakota, a place that drew us back summer after summer. The other was a dream of mine to have my own paper crafting store where I could do customer service my way. (I had been told repeatedly at previous jobs that I was “over-servicing” the customer…seemed like an oxymoron to me when I was in the customer service business) Well, some really crazy things happened. There was a store in Rapid City that I visited every time we went to the Hills that was for sale. Lifelong dream in the place I’ve always wanted to be? Heck Yeah! My husband was more than a little hesitant, but when he was offered a job in the place he had wanted to work, before he even opened his mouth, he was on board. Thinking of all the things that fell into place during that time still gives me goosebumps.
Then, I had the store. It was hard, lonely, and scary. The two years that I had the store were very dark and depressing. I was so confused. This was my dream! What was going on? Why am I not succeeding? What is wrong with me? I closed the store and spent 8 months telling myself I would never have known it wasn’t right for me unless I tried. I also tried to convince myself that I wasn’t depressed. Hindsight showed me very clearly, I was.
After reading Part Three of the Master Key, I understand now that it was fear that I let completely overshadow my dream. I can see now I was completely engulfed by a dark and suffocating cloud of fear. Fear of financial devastation, fear of ordering things people wouldn’t buy, fear of teaching classes people wouldn’t enjoy, fear of asking for help.
I wasn’t focused anymore on what I wanted or where I was going, I was concentrated on the HOW. It didn’t work. I had an experience this weekend that reminded me of this. I was on a hiking trail that had a creek you needed to cross several times on wood beams. I’m not a fan of crossing those beams. When I crossed the first one, I was looking down, watching my feet, making sure I didn’t veer off to the left or right and fall in the creek. It was scary and I was shaking. The second beam I came to, I quit looking at how I was getting across it, and looked at the end of the beam, where I wanted to be. It made such a big difference. If I kept moving forward toward the end of the beam, I was much less scared, my legs weren’t shaking and it was so much easier! Such a great reminder to keep your eyes on the dream, the goal, where you want to be, not how you’re going to get there. Getting caught up in the fear of “how” will trip you up every time.